today was boring i must say.
and i bet tomorrow could bore me.

2nd day of semester 2.

bus-ed to school.
same old same old ride.
mumbled, or more of talk to myself in my mind.

really boring.
stared out of the bus window,
still having my holiday mode in me.
kick it kick it out, c'mon...

went to school.

music was ok, lol.
learnt the chords just before lesson.

math was alright.
other than having my work grabbed.
i forgot to bring my report, heng...
tmrw hand in.

mother tongue, my accent sucks, lol.
worse than foreigner :P
at least i understood the story.
wooh.
and got some class interaction by zhong.
ask qn here ask qn there.

pe was height and weight.
crap.
172cm ???
oh well.
i think i'm stuck.
puberty over i think.
D:

must think positive.
i will be tall,
oh yea.
i am.
it's just that i wonder whether i will be tall-er.

hm, recess, rant about maple.
zzz.
i dun wanna play that.
but the guys keep talking about it.
peer pressure....curse peer pressure...

hm, what was next.
oh yes.
english, 2 periods.
did the worksheets.
while the sj people xinpeng and michael, and oh yes. weeseng. and yes yes, zah.
all of them.
all of them.
got a hell lot of donations.
leaving me helpless.
i'm not desperate,
helpless.
haha.

science was ok.
grouping was alright.
blah blah. etc etc.
last thing was the reflections.
nonsense i must say.
i have to.


"philosophy made us illusions to the rigid rules of reality"
oh well,
maybe their's wasn't philosophy, it's a real life lesson; advice.
but do we truly need it?


went back home.
didn't want to eat out with the guys.
no mood.
sigh...
~


there's really nothing much to look forward to every morning.
i've yet to have a new chapter in my life.
i know i've ended the previous chapter.
it is and i know it is.
a slight epilouge.
but it doesn't matter right?
nothing matters.
i don't know...now what?

ugh, utterly no mood to blog.
but, argh..
i feel so bored.
~
i couldn't sleep well last night.
when i lay down on bed at 10pm, i slept at 12.30am
D:

today was 1st day of sch, sem 1.
waited for 812,
which was kinda weird.
cos i could have sworn it came very late.
took the bus.
walked to sch.
sch got something like a gateway,
flu or no flu,
travel or no travel.
book shop was renovated.
go class.
they paint the room green and white.
lol, that means effort wasted, but perhaps was worth it.
some ppl say i look like victor from the back.
zzz.
take temp.
woohoo, today got no math.
mrs wong was ranting about h1n1.
then chinese.
mdm zhong ask us do journal.
i write about last night can't sleep :p
ecology, yawn.
damn quiet sia.
oh yea, sitting arrangement was set.
sit beside hui ying.
and oh ya...
chong soon was sent back home :p
poor guys, but he chiong maple! ><
geo, ms cheng nvr come.
oh well.
do chi journal.
lit lesson, mdm kaur.
i feel utterly insecure, since she claims that she understands all our body languages.
well, i'm gonna try being indifferent, take that!
mr soo came in once.
talk talk about tmrw's lesson.
oh well, gotta make the 3rd draft model
CE lesson was...ok i guess.
some vid and story about a guy.
same old same old story.
strong willed, determined, supportive family, happy outcome.

i cannot relate with it, c'mon i'm abled.
and what is there to be so strong-willed as he is?
he is right to say that you must accept what life gives,
and in his case, he's not able to try to change.
but in mine, i'm perfectly normal, and i can change.
i just needa know how.

yadayada.
etc etc.

after sch,
go cs house to update him stuff.
first thing me and kel saw,
him playing com.
O.o

bus-ed back
800 to np.
popular go buy paper for pyramid.
811 to home.

oh well, off to do work.
tally ho!

what is with all the weird dreams.
they are completely unrelated with my life.

so, i woke up.
10.58am on my watch (which is 18 min faster)
dragged myself to the kitchen.
at it rained.
the morning so frickin dull.

try to recall any dreams i had.
~

here's a super random short scene.


"hey brian, take your height"
*take height*
"you're 153 cm!"
*wtf...*

wake up.

zzz o.o

last night i was doing my homework.
i was sick of doing the questions.
and i took my psp, and played music.

and
i danced in my bedroom to the beat of Aerodynamite.

breakdance, robot. yadayada, whatever.

o.o , betcha' never see me dance. hah!
~

here comes more dreams.
utterly weird.
ok.

(note: i shall not say the people's name in the dream. cos, hey.)



there i was, sitting in the classroom.
the seating arrangement was all the tables were at the walls of the classroom, like a square.
and i sat beside a boy.
by the left of my sight of me was another boy.
then there was the teacher.

she went like
"class, how's your holidays?"

then one girl said
"stupid lor, brian owes me $8."

then i said in a sarcastic accent
"oh, i owe you eight dollar, blah... blah..."

then the boy on my right was like
"brian! why you so bad."
i ignored him.

then i looked at the boy on my front left,
then he sniggered and i laughed too.



then then.

i woke up.

what the hell what the hell what the hell.

i opened the fridge and found out the 2nd bottle of sparkling grapejuice was empty.
bloody empty.
no no, it's not half empty or half full.
IT'S ze bloody empty.

haha jkjk.

but seriously.
the ice-lemon tea bottle was empty too.

so, i found a wine glass on the dining table.
clear liquid with some bubble.
ooh, gotta try that.
BLEH ><
i drank a mouthful of vinegar.

i still have the stinging sensation in my mouth.
i can feel it, it burns....
even if i rinse my mouth with hell lot of water.
IT BURNS!!!

ok.
[memo to self: taste the an unknown drink with your tongue first before anything else.]

ugh. bleh.
i had an awfully weird and boring dream.


i was walking down the void deck in some blocks, seeing some group of schoolmates.
then they all glare at me. like i did something wrong o.o
then i just snigger away.
then WOOSH!
there i was, in my flat corridor.
downstairs in the void deck, there was a STAR WARS concert. wth?
and then the same group of schoolmates were beside me. omgwoah...
and they glare some more.
glare and GLARE
i went back inside my house.
then i take lightsaber.
chop of their head.
but then their head glare glare some more.
wth lah.
then the Darth Vader theme played.
then i was breathing like Darth Vader. hahaha!

then then then...
THEN!

i jumped of the flat.

and
i woke up.

~
totally unrelated.
crap. what does my dream mean???

ok, i hid all my posts away.
html comments.
but still, if anyone tries grabbing my code.
let them, whatever.
it's pointless.

throw away the past behind.

after yesterday.
i realised that all along i had already forgotten you.
it's just that i made myself think i still did.
that all i remember now is just nothing much.

it turned out to my problem.
my fault.

but, that's the past.
and i fare thee well.


...
now on to my post.
~

ok.
went to do homework with the guys.
and as expected, we didn't.
and we played:

NERF

woohoo, haha.

we had a new map.
which was the void deck of chongsoon's house.
and it was waaay better than any other place we've been playing in.

//TATICS//

territorial power:
some silly wankers could camp in the staircase and shoot thru the windows
but is vunerable from low ammunition and close combat from behind

stealth:
some sly fellas could run or sneak thru the dark corridors and pillars or the sides alleys to backstab the enimies.
but is vunerable from being engaged with more enemies than what can be handled.

strategic:
two people. first person distracts enemies to own territory, retreats, where the second guy can ambush.
but is venerable from loophole in strategy and be attacked from blind spot

raw power:
very simple and basic. engage enemy in combat, face to face with little or no cover.
or surround enemy.

//end//


but too bad.
i didn't finish my math.

you asked me to forget.
i've completely forgotten my care for you.
~

and yes, yes.
bye bye.
and say hello to everything else.

ok, this totally sucks.
6 days left.
actually, i have only 4.
because saturday i have sjab agi goh rehearsal.
sunday have church.
and i can't be able to see myself actually doing homework on those days.

if i think it this way,
some people are called to do some particular stuff.
some are called to singma.
my call is the agi goh,
not forgetting to mention the others who are also in.

so
today is homework day.
i'll start with english summary.
then literature qns.
then math.
then soon i'll do my portion of geo proj.

well, i'm at the library.
and i brought my psp.
which can't use wi-fi because i didn't sign up for wireless@sg.
and my psp bat is left with it's last bar.
today is sinma comp.
at xinmin sec.
sadly, i went to church, so i couldn't see the action.
but since when was there any?

i can't find a book i wanna borrow.
too bad.

just recently i went to watsons to buy my deodarant.
ooh, Nivea for men.
i didn't choose Addidas,
i'm not so athletic :P

well, last week of school holidays.
lo and behold.
time has flown fast.

7 mins for my com usage.

bleh, i rather go back home and play com.

hm...

ok, i feel like putting my blog songs as French House.
Thomas Bangalter?
haha, u've never heard of him.

anyway, ate butter bread with my brother for snack, he prepared the bread and butter...
and me as the older brother.... I simply prepared the drinks :P.
lazy much?
no.
because i finished chap 3!
minus some qns which i never think i learnt.

woohoo, i think i can actually finish math by the end of this holiday.

as i lay in bed last night, past midnight:
i laugh at the my previous self in love,
because there's no point having that self back,
because that self would turn into what i am now.

and of course i don't want anything to happen again.

[9 days left]
~


~
finished chap 3 qn 10.
but fk that.
i still have projects to finish up.

yawn.

kinda screwed up.
the holidays are screwed up.
and as i lay down on my bed past midnight,
staring at the ceiling.
i knew that today was over, and tomorrow would come.
and tomorrow would be today. that today is screwed up.

{10 days to school]
bleh.

this is stupid.
how many student do you think would have done the math homework?
when i can hear from my friends that people have been playing the days away.

yadyada.
i laugh at the success of privacy.
google? no.
RSS? no.
grab source code? no.
get invited? no, i was excluded.

oh what the heck, never mind.

i think i'll be off to do my homework.
plan to finish chap 3 today.
screwed all the assholes who ask me not to.
screw time that which i lose.

//contradiction;clash with quote
"i must face the harsh truth of reality which philosophy only made us show ignorance"

my hair
D:

here is a boy, who sits in front of the computer screen.
the lights are out.
the computer table is dim lit only by the screen itself.

clicks the link second to the last of the list

[Wednesday, May 27, 2009; 5/27/2009 09:18:00 PM]

[Thursday, May 28, 2009; 5/28/2009 06:24:00 PM]

the reminiscence.
he still remembers; still remembers sadly...
not knowing whether he even should.
but it feels so bitter sweet...

but he doesn't give damn, yes?
he should care, no?
because a goodbye is a goodbye.

this is unfortunate.
i'm out of correction tape, my calculator battery is getting low and i'm going to need some foolscap paper.
well, that totally put a halt in my math homework.
sucks alot.

perhaps i'll go out now to the bookstore and buy...

i've made this song,
month before.
though i've never completed the lyrics...
~




do you think i give a damn.
about your love life.
do you think i care.

of all the boys you talk with.
the girls you gossip with...

your beautiful glare
your hypnotic stare

oh i don't give a damn
about your love life
shall it end.
oh i don't even care
oh i don't give a damn, no.

but i'll go through
mountain, sea and sky.
to say goodbye goodbye.

but as i leave i cry.
with tears upon my stride.
because i know i've left you
right just now.

but i don't give a damn.
oh i don't even care.
i'll just walk away,
leaving you right there.

perhaps i will smile?
time shall heal the wound
soon i sigh.
soon i sigh...


...
...
...

there's a coward voice.
cowering and insisting,
"it's not my fault"
scared at your sadness.
afraid to help, might it be worse.
screamed at and jeered.

but truly, it is sorry.
it's just...

for once, i'll laugh at the sadness.
your sadness.
my sadness.

because sadness is stupidity.

this is absurd, all so funny... haha.

I never cried for a long time, and to be honest, I never really cried when I said I did.
I never wanted when I should.
But now I wish I could, because crying is a wonderful feeling; proper for the sadness I now carry deep down.
I welled up all tears, and felt utterly bitter.
I want to let go of them.
I tried, truly I tried, but no tear flowed.

If I cried, perhaps happiness would follow suit.




"You can doubt my words I've said,
doubt my feelings,
doubt my honesty,
doubt my regret,
doubt my sadness.
But never doubt I once loved."

ok, my holidays are officially robbed from 2 weeks.
should i call the police or something...

anyway, just finished till qn 7 of chap 2 of the math workbook.
considering the many parts per qn, i did quite a hell lot of sums.
bleh.
still have projects to finish...
2 weeks left.

in my spare time, which is extremely rare.
i try to recall the past.
perhaps 2 weeks ago.
sadly, the end of it.
the start of another.

what is techno?

techno is the music with the beats.
the music with the tune.
the music which is the flow.

it puts the bounce to the ounce
it makes your feel harder, better, faster, strong.
it's Da Soul, it Da Funk.

so what's if it is not music.
it's sound!
sound can be noise or voices.
and yes!
you can appreciate the noise to.
if you can stay in the city with the noise.
listen to the noise manipulated;
tweaked and twisted to harass your ears.
or listen to the beats and the flow.
feel trippy and high.
jump to the beat,
move your body with the flow.

oh, while you people listen to mainstream music;
pop, rock, bleh. whatever.
i listen to sidestream.
i don't follow society.
screw society.
why should i? why should we?
if some societies could screw up into war, hate.
would ours too?
yeah yeah, whatever.
pop's nice, rock's nice.
but i search for my own music.
i don't look up to the internet and see
the Top 10 hits.

lyrics? lyrics? bleh.
if you think lyrics are all so meaningful.
with the vocals and everything.
we should as well sing our lives along.
who knows, maybe we 'love' each other songs we talk
and be each another fans???
bleh.
heehee.

i'm changing my blog song to DJ techno
subgenre: Techno Dance

tragedy is reality.

ok...
i went to henderson waves yesterday.
the family walked thru mt faber.
so, here's some pics.

my mind's been tossing and turning in bed last night.
struggling at the fact that i'm losing time.
i've 17 days left of the holidays.
and i've my math and projects to do.

every hour of every day could be wasted.
just using the computer,
going to singma,
going out of the house.

when i could have done my hmwk.

17 days is a few...

this holiday isn't a holiday at all...

i did some random quotes yesterday.

after playing Gang Garrison 2.
i suppose that this generation of gamers
has too much of 3D games already.
give them a pixel-style game, with 8 bit music.
they think or say it sucks.
sadly, i wonder if they completely forget that
we play games for the gameplay,
not just realism.
or perhaps realism is part of gameplay.
...
just wonder.

i'm off to singma.
will be back home late. -.-

ok...
i/c for today's trip to HQ for singma casualty.
argh,
can only find 4 ppl. (including me)
now what?
4.20pm should be enuff to reach HQ by 6pm, i hope.
i don't want mrs lim screaming yadayada
at my face.
oh c'mon. i tried my best already.

simple summary of today.

went to church
ate lunch at northpoint
went to causeway point with my family.
played a demo of FEAR 2, omfg nice
bought Test Drive Unlimited for PSP
bought me brown sneakers
ate mos cheeseburger

now off to play Gang Garrison 2!
and TDU is cool.

sinmal casualty, once more.
3rd time -.-

i was at yishun mrt station ealiest.
and it sucks to be early.
becos you need to wait for the other ppl.
god, who also knows that.

at around 7.50
most came.
called quan en, ws and micheal.

quan en and micheal no response.
but we didn't do cpr.
(pardon the lame joke)
wee seng
"uh, i a bit busy today"
zzz

3 out.
let's go.

went the usual train with timothy, zoey and thian soon.
we assumed xinpeng, bernice, tarilyn went to hq themselves.
lol, they were left behind late.
met up we them at lavender station.

walked the usual walk to hq.
like i said in the last sinmal post.
i was getting pissed by going thru this route.
today.
i lightened myself a bit by looking at the insignificance of things.
i got myself interested in the simplest of surroundings.
numbers, license plates, signs, shops.
even the way the light shone on stuff.

reached hq,
blah blah
yadayada
mrs lim was talking.
and scolding.
about the ambulances' hair.
in the end, they gel'd they're hair side parting.
O.O
haha!

cough
G.I. haircut
cough ><

and when everyone left the room
the prof came.
yet to know his name o.O
we met a new casualty.
from NUS high school
omg.
he was from china.
over-aged student.
15 years old, sec 1.
meddled with his portable tv.
while we played some games,
they played some games.
and we played with a dust ball and a wooden twig.
omg, so childiish.
hahah.
like those kampung kids.
*play with wood twig*

casualty for long case.
spinal for the 3rd time.
i alwats kena spinal injury.
why?
every case they slot me in those cervical collar.
yet they never adjust it.
i could turn my neck left and right.

yawn
time flew by again.
they let us go early
at 1pm instead of 3pm.
the ppl stayed
and then i walked out
i don't want to wait for whoever and whatever.

walked to lavender.
thinking of where to eat lunch.
at a snack meal at mr bean.
met up with timothy again.
dunno why he also went off early.
took
EW line to city hall.
NS line to dobhy gauht
NE line to serangoon
C line to bishan (yes, i wanted to try ride on the circle line)
NS line to kathib.
bought packet chicken rice back home.

the end.
that was my day.
kinda boring.
~



quoted from Franz Ferdinand - You're The Reason I'm Leaving

"You're the reason I'm leavin
If I'm leaving we don't stop livin, you know"

"Singin' well, fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well
I am leaving, yes I leave it all to you..."

"And here I am fighting, fighting
Yes I'm fighting not to cry
and that's another reason why
I ought to hate you like I do"

today was
class outing

went to yishun mrt.
first to arrive.
so i waited and waited for the guys and girls to come.



wore my white polo tee i wore during a funeral last year.
not that it mattered anyway -.-

brought my nerf.
though i wasn't even gonna play it.
and i didn't for the day.
not that it too mattered anyway ._.



21 ppl came.
hoorah :O

ok, fast forward to the vivocity part.

>> >>

vivocity at 11.30am

decided to go to Toys r Us with the guys
woah, ok.
limited edition clear maverick.

dickson with his cash,
wants to buy $.$

>> >>

//command.simplify?=summarize

sentosa
beach
hot sand
volleyball
water
fun
photo
wet
jj lost specs D:
veryveryvery fun!

//end

wooh.

anyway, ash paiseh sia.
he kena pull down shorts in the sentosa express.
><



back at vivo.
went to burger kind with kelvin and dickson.
i ordered bk fish.
it sucked :X
the filet was burnt.
bleh.
but i ate and swallowed the burger up, of course with some chewing and biting :D

toys r us
dickson bought his clear maverick

then mrt-ed back home with the 2 guys
met up with the class again at dobhy gauht
they're gonna watch some movie in yishun
i no mood.
tired lah.
i would have slept in the cinema zzz=.=

alighted at kathib.
i dun wanna waste cents in 811.



went home.
showered.

heard techno song
benny benassi - rock and rave.

wooh o.o


and anyway, i hope you noticed the achievements.
you deserve this.

i've been trying to sleep 12 hr per night.
sounds crazy and impossible?
just sleep from 10pm to 10am, that's 12 hrs!

i woke up in 10.30am this morning,
from a sleep at 11.30pm.

kept tossing and turning in bed.
i felt very confused and messed up last night.

kind of sleepy now.
not going to class outing.
no point.
mum grumbling and complaining of me
spending money
and wasting time at sentosa.
oh well.
guess i'll do hmwk tmrw.



for once,
i'm an inch convinced its over.
i'm insignificance.
a sand in the beach.
a molecule in the universe.
a murmur in a crowd
finally...
i guess i'm off to normal soon.

anyway, back from reading romeo and juliet.
my mood kinda improved after reading it.

though i don't want a love with tragedy haha.

the story was kinda stupid.
with deaths here and there.
and suicide.

well. i recently found out that eng die pg 160-166 was already done.
oh well...
ಠ_ಠ

ಠ_ಠ
hooray for the random scary...looking...weird...face... ... ... ..



YAY!

i read romeo and juliet just now,
till Act IV, the wedding ceremony.

and i found the interesting quote.

page 13:

"Tut man! One fire burns out another's burning;
One pain is lessened by another's anguish;
One desperate grief cures with another's languish:
Take thou some new infection to thy eye,
And the rank poison of the old will die."

"...cure your old unhappy love with a new, more hopeful one..."

my words have gone bland and tasteless.

i want to end it all.
i've got this final letter...
but time made its meaning void and meaningless.
there's no point already.
i feel like walking away.

you...i could have sworn... you... avoided me...

i thought i want this over already
it's my fckin fault.
dammit
i was so stubborn.
i should have listened to you.
i should have ended this long ago already.
but

i don't know what i want anymore.
i don't know what is there that i want.

i don't care what people see in this post.
there isn't much of them seeing.
there isn't much who could help...
they don't understand me.
i don't understand me.
i don't understand

do you?
noone will.

my mind has voices that scream and shout.
they push me around.
i left without a good bye.
i don't know
i don't know.

this situation is bitter chocolate.
i cringe at what i see.
but i swallow it in disgust
it's not your fault.
i've no idea what is.
but i feel like putting the blame on you honestly.
i can't
i should never.

why...

time seemed like it could just solve everything.
that's just being lazy.
but for once.
i feel like to.




i toss and turn in bed.
i feel bitterness in my tastebuds.
i point my gun at the class photo.
i shot the heart.
i don't know what to react.
i can't tear.
i can't scream
i can't smile.

i just feel bitter...

update.

i've ironed two school shirts and shorts.
dammit.
i thought holidays i wouldn't wear those.

finally started my english more than words.
hopefully i'll finish the pages by the time i leave the house for sinmal.
maybe i'll leave the house early.



maybe i could fold back my butterfly knife back in to my pockets.
i will never throw it away...
but i've to get one in the first place.

Here I stare at this bloody holiday.
Where's my butterfly knife?
I want to swing it and point right at the world.

There was I, on the bed of my room.
Dimly lit because the curtains were still drawn down;
because the sun didn't sun so bright even if I draw it up.
Lying, staring at the ceiling.

Where the hell's my holidays?
I'm pissed off by time.
My mind throws reminders of me about this and about that;
That I've yet to do; that I might have no time.
My mind throws possibilities of the world in a mess;
North Korea with its bombs;
H1N1 with its cases;
Politics;
Celebrity scandal.

This whole bloody world's in a mess.
Who knows?
By the step out of this bed, maybe a war will start and people would die?
But people already have died, by a virus or by stress or by life itself.

I know I shouldn't think of it.
I try to flush the information out of my mind.
But it sticks like post-it notes; Like a fly in fly paper.

Perhaps I won't point my butterfly knife at the world.
I'll point it a myself.
But I've yet to get one...

animals hunt, they cause death for the need of food.
humans kill, they cause death because they want to.

i want to leave everything behind.
on my own.

but i might feel guilty.
i can't leave if you're are going to stay behind hurt.

today was math o.
horrible, haha.
just some guesses,
supposedly 'smart' guesses.

i wrote 2009 as my answer.

bleh.
wtf is 6! x k????

i hate this type of maths.
i don't get the point of it.
seems utterly useless in life.
i mean, seriously.

anyway, l42 is coming SOON!
haha.
meelee weapons.
axe, chainsaw etc.

halo reach and odst also coming soon.

finally, my gamer mood is getting in again...

i don't want a single drop of dust in the lake.
i don't want confusion.
yet i think time can already end this.

but if you avoid me.
that hurts.

i'm holding on to this final letter.
the point of it is to end it all;
the close everything behind.
but i'm scared, i don't want it to hurt.




but i'm afraid, without it, you already are and will still be.

sigh-ed.
why the avoidance...
why my hesitance...

sigh-ed.

my words and thoughts have gone bland, tasteless.
or maybe it's just because i've thought to much.

my final letter...