bloody chores.
washed to dishes.
had to tidy up my study table to the max.
threw away hell lot of notices and pieces of paper.
my study table was freed off some space.
woah, a lot of dust, everywhere.

[memo to self: the proper way off cleaning dust of is the pick the dust, not just wipe it.]

-sneeze-
i've yet to wash my shoes.
bleh.
where's my holidays...

i want to to out and buy some paper.

well, back to my normal posts.

the school robbed me from my holidays.
so what if they cancelled cca activities.

i've to go to sj jq and be casualty sometimes.
how much cash have i to spend on those days...
walking down the same path, seeing the same path, the same buildings.
i'm soon getting sick of it.
getting sick of routine.

and i've yet to start on my homework.
tidied up my study table.
allocated on pile for my hmwk.
stunned when i saw how thick it was.
perhaps i'll start with maths tomorrow.

but i think i'll buy some paper and a box tmrw.
fold some stuff.
i've already finished the letter.

math's o on tues.
test...
god, i think i already failed.
how many lesson or concepts did i even understand.

i wanna play.
i wanna go out.
and smile at the world that's out there, good or bad, it's there for me.

well, boredom.

this is going to be filled with problems.
filled with confusion
filled with sadness
filled with illusion

sadly,
and i think i have to end this.

leave days behind.
sad times
confused times
if we can't do it, let time itself do the work.


~


if i never understood.
i don't think i know you at all...

i know you're feeling confused, hurt.
for god sakes, you're not the only one.
i know you're not faking.

your questions...
can i help?


~


i think i need to take the ending you already gave me.
take it and eat it.
get it over with finally... ...

if this is the end.
i have to convince myself an ending.

i want a happy exit ):
i need it.

yet, i can't decide.
but does it really matter.

with or without you,
which happier?

Team Fortress 2 Music- 'Petite Chou-Fleur'

*turn off the mixpod and play this
~
today, sinmal casualty.
went to yishun mrt early.
as in very very.
spammed franz ferdinand and techno songs to waste time.
to be honest, i was kind of hypnotised.
couldn't notice people who came.

to sj hq,
i was ranting, or more of complaining
about how i was sick of going
to and fro the hq the same old path.
the same old pavement.
the same old crossing.

at sj hq
finally know who mrs lim is.
surprising.
and ooooh.
home nursing was kind of interesting.
but mainly boring.
i'm kind of glad ac/aa had to take LC instead of HN
i and the guys left the room.
some of us ranted about sa2.
bleh.
during that we see mrs lim coach/train the ambulance.
and some down-silent-time
i murmured some song.

out to lunch.
yadayada.
munch munch.
om nom nom.
chicken rice :D

"i hate the spicy"
"then don't put the chilli"
"but i like the chilli"
"then what if i make something like chilli which is not spicy?"
"then i don't like it, it's not chilli."
"then what if i make a chilli which is not spicy?"
"then it's not chilli either."

haha.

off to be casualty.
mrs lim was on her lighter moods.
did casualty sim on me, timothy and micheal.
interesting but abit boring eh?
i was unconscious with spinal injury/neck injury.
i basically took a nap.
woah,
none of them turned off the engine when i was in a car.
it was a traffic accident by the way.

fst forward...
sigh
fst forward...
sigh

went home.
~
i'm a confused little sod.
i can't bear this candy-sweet ending.

happiness may be an illusion we agreed on.
perhaps we wanted to fly away happy

but there is this flight confusion.

i don't want a angry refund.
i don't want a sad escape.
i want a true happy exit.

anyway, turns out my camera is out for recharging.
so i can't import and upload my pics yet.
remembered i still have to be comp training casualty tomorrow.
oh, and yes.
during kfc,
mum was ranting to me about choosing the right someone.
and don't be a poor sod and live a life without freedom.

i already know that (:



anyway, i want a new polo shirt.
maroon striped?
brown?
oh, and yes once again.
a hat.

this morning,
had to run 6 flights of stairs just to change my attire due to sudden notice.
a bit late for meeting at mrt station, don't ya think?

well, republic poly today.

sports carnival.
first aid post at point 6: north entrance.
woah,
me, natasha, two other boys and mr vasoo were put there.
no shade -.-
just the sunny sun, i can't see mr sun's smile.
i'll go blind wouldn't i?

but hey, i took some pics,
and some mushrooms,
and played with the (supposedly) sandy path.

one casualty.
blister only -.-
but!
we found out we no plaster.
so, we decided to:
1) wash hand.
2) clean wound with cotton soaked in water.
3) antiseptic lotion
4) gauze fold into half.
5) apply gauze
6) secure using socks, because the blister was above the heel.
7) question casualty shall he continue on

done.
yeah, we could have called michael and zah for bandages.
but hey.

so, walked back to sports hall.
how sweet...

went to causeway with micheal and ate burger king,
together with yu qian, zoey and their frens too.
michael thinks its a achievement to eat with him, particularly in a fast food restaurant.
zzz.

went back home and out again

played nerf once more with the guys.
now with 4 players or even 2 v 2.
also tried to do live firing.
fastest load.
etc.
oh yeah.
we had our minutes trying to retrieve bullets from drains,
finding bullets,
jumping to take bullets stuck on the ceiling lamp.


went to northpoint to meet up with my mum and bro for kfc.
before that, went to popular with dickson and tj.
ooh, there's now the 30 ammo pack for Nerf ::: $12.90
and vulcan.
but woah, woah again. $99.90

trust me, nerf's no kids toy, when you start thinking tactically, it kind of a combat sport.
you had to sweat it out, literally.

~
i was down,
but i've come to grown to accept disappointment.
i have to be happy;
i must be;
and never will i make myself down (:

i accept this; i won't turn you down.
but i can't bear to eat it,
just it and over with.
~

gonna upload pics soon.

i can't ignore you if it means forgetting.

all along i supposed this will be good.
but deep down.
i'm very confused.

i want to cry.
i know you need to be happy.
we need to be.
but not a tear flowed out.
i'm angry too, at me.
i want to scream and shout.

but this
sadness silenced my scream;
anger made no tear flow.
yet i can't smile at the end of it all.



you're not what you think you are.
you are what you want to believe.

well
ptm day.

bullsh*t, that ash call me in 6 am something.

"hi brian, i'm bored"
"what..."
-hang up-

i wanted to wake up at 7.45am.
then my mum was already awake,
ask me wake up.

"brian, you going to be late!"
"i got put alarm clock already..."
-doze off-

then i woke up at 7.30am
-.- zzz.
the meeting session i chose was at 9.20am

so, i ate breakfast.
coffee, rice, and luncheon meat.

then bathe, brush teeth.
change.

then the phone rang.
zzz. alarm clock.

put my nerf in the bag.
and the camera.
and the mp4.
plus the usual portfolio and organiser.

1/2 hr before 9pm
i went to the com.
and read some blog posts.

went off to the 812 behind my block.
with my mum and bro.
my bro wearing uniform.

damn stress lah.
"maybe if you didn't use computer, you wouldn't have gotten C's"
and that once, maybe it was right.
bus-ed to school.
and had to walk from the back to the front gate.
bro nicky was tired.
lol, if he wanna go to anderson pri by himself,
he has to walk this long. Or longer?

inside school.
just nice.
no parents talking yet.
so i got my results fast.

talk talk with ms sor.
zzz. the usual.
and for this ptm, chinese was the usual E8...
dun need to see mdm zhong for now.

kelvin and cs weren't here.
what for i brought the nerf sia.
i wanted to walk around school take pic.
but i talked to wee seng and tay min, and alin.

3 words:
Class Standard Drop.


i shall not elaborate on my marks.

can die one lah, stay in the class.
so bored.
even worse, my mp4 no battery.

after ptm, i played nerf with the guys.
chong soon bought it recently.
now, 7 guys own a nerf gun.

and the whole holiday is screwed with activities cancelled due to Ah1n1

a hell lot of homework indeed.

a hell lot of time? not.

i'll give you time.
seconds and minutes;
hours and days;
months and years.

but you can say no if you want.
at least i met a new friend.
i don't want to make enemies.

i shall not think for you anymore.
you're a human.
you're an independent thinking human.
and i realised i should never force anything out of anyone.

i am happy;
as long as you're there;
as long as you are too

my heart is filled with joy.
but then i realised,
you're going to move once more.

we need to talk, shouldn't we?

:D

have i regret?
have i disappointment?
one thing i can agree on;
is that i am confused.
i want you to be happy,
and being in your life seem to hurt.
i need to walk away.
or why don't you?

but if you did,
as you walk away,
i'll find myself a disaster,
upset fill with tears in my eyes.
but you'll be happy right?
you need to be.




All the actions I've done with no care; I'm ashamed.
Every second of ignorance is every minute of regret.
Every minute, I feel hours of upset; tears that flow days.
The days will flow till a year over.
But even by the second day, I've cried no tears left.

I'm sorry.

hm...

glances...just glances.
and i find you with sadness at the eyes.
i feel confused...
love?
i do, i do.


I cannot turn to see those eyes, as apologies may rise
I must be strong and stay an unbeliever
And love the sound of you walking away, you walking away
~franz ferdinad - walk away

gawd,
i lost $5 worth of stationery.
1 mechanical pencil
1 dark blue pen
1 eraser

anyway,
i've gotto read my chinese book.
damn, it's just 3 pages.
but i don't get a word.

YAY.
i bought the nerf gun.
i played target practice with my bro.

i got 100 pts.
he got 60.

lol, because i'm 6 years older.
very unfair eh?

well, this is a morning post.
i've been crammed at home for like hours, except for times i went out just to buy food.
god, that's pathetic.
i bet someone out the wants me to go out and have fun.

ate bread and coffee for breakfast.
been drinking coffee for days, or weeks.
better than milo, i must say.

i'm going to church.
leaving house quite soon.
got to rush this post because I've yet to bathe and change.
the bus would come at 9.36am.
what should i wear?

anyway, the point of aeroplanes is they are to fly.
why do you restrict them to boring land,
when they have the freedom and ability to fly the horizons.

anyway, i'm off to bathe now.

i'll fly my own aeroplane. departing in june...
will you miss this flight?

woah.
for the first time actually.
i'm on the computer at 10.30pm

so, anyway.
good night.

today was take-away aplenty.
bought a packet of chicken rice and a packet of fish and chicken wings... rice, for lunch.
bought 4 chicken wings for dinner...and rice.

and don't go 'omg, very unhealthy'
i ate oranges :D

~
i didn't realise, yes.
but i don't want to hurt you.
i know what you felt,
but with your friends by your side...
i decided you would have already felt better.
but i'm sorry.

equal misery, don't make me hurt deep down too...

...

It's surprising, yet disappointing.
That people can hate me for doing quite well for exams, or so I think.
I wouldn't say anyone in particular, partly because I don't know who.
Anyway for sure, at least someone out there has a grudge against me for the exams.
Or maybe not the whole exams, for some subjects maybe.

So, let me suppose what would people hate me for.
Let me repeat myself: I suppose
- Some of them think I got high marks with little effort.
- Some of them think I ruin their moods by being happy about my marks/pass

Let me defend myself:
I didn't put in little effort, though I is right to say I put in lesser effort.
But even though I did lesser.
Some guys got higher than me, without any presence of effort at all.
I know I shouldn't point fingers.
But an example would be someone whom I surrendered to.
But screw the surrender, I only did it just to get it over with.

And if I ever ruined your mood or hurt you, deep down perhaps.
I'm surprised that I actually make a point in your life.
But if it means that my point hurts you,
you might as well ignore me;
you should have ignored my existence.
Shall you consider my existence be unimportant,
perhaps you wouldn't have your mood ruined.
And if I didn't realise I was being a jerk that time,
then I'm sorry.
But still, I insist on you ignoring me;
I wouldn't want to hurt you,
and I wouldn't want you to think I would.

Then again, why am I saying this?
This wouldn't help you in anyway for the disappointment you have for your result.
I'm a bit disappointed for my results as well, but I accepted it.
What comes from disappointment is either acceptance or denial.
Some of you deny it, or at least can't accept it.
And from denial comes hurt and anger...

It's the exams. Exams are over.
What once was is over with, and what will be is another.
Think long-term for god sakes, there's a streaming exam for you.

I smile,
Because I know the world is out for me.
That every way, bad or good, it'll be there;
and I'll be there.
And I'll laugh with the experience.
Laughing in good ones;
Laughed at in the bad ones.

I cry,
Because I know the world is over.
That once was is gone, and once existed never will be;
but I'll still be there,
I shouldn't be.
And I'll cry at the sorrow.
In no world.

I guess I held on too long.
now I'm stuck with disbelief.

I forgive you,
don't feel hurt,
please.

but.
you made your decision?
you really mean it now?

I remember,
the time I told myself,
I'd let you walk away.

would I now?
will it make you happy?

this time round, I want to know what it you truly mean;
and you mean to me existence.

I wish I let you go, that how decisive I can go.

anyway,
i got to say, SA2 exam was hard.
i don't think anyone got straight As
i'll have Bs and Cs on my report card soon.

it stings and soaks my paper.

and if anyone did...

so, exams results are over.
though i've got some shocking information that some people...
oh never mind.

anyway. i want nerf, i want tf2...uh...i want hat. haha.

all i want

give me $100 and i'll go around buying.

and one more thing.

hit.on.the.nose


captain's ball was fun.
but smacking frisbees down is waaay better.

...

the words on the screen irks me.
i twitch at the absurdity of it all.
i feel my heart pump when i know
my heart is going to have a void.

calculated risks and benefits.

my original tactic was to gamble away
languages for humanities.
which was a terrible flaw.
exam wasn't a game.
and even i 'gamble',
i get now bonus.

anyway.
all i have is history.
literature.
science
and maths.

i don't look forward to science or lit.
nor anything else.

english was dissapointing.

chinese was no point.

dnt, sigh..

math, so what?

geography, stunned.

...

tmrw is the rest of the papers, i need to pull up.
i'm on a rock wall. i have long limbs but i need the strength to pull higher.

lol, just recently i found out
being height-ist goes down the blood.

i was facebook'ing just now.
then my mum peeked while i was looking at some sjab pics.

"hey, who's that girl?" ~mum
"why, she lives nearby, so?" ~me
"she's very short!"
"hah."
"and very cute you know?"
"..."

*OMGWTFBBQ sauce moment.*

ps: that's a lollipop stick by the way.

i was born on Monday, October 2, 1995.







random facts:
Monday, December 11 1995
Monday, November 27 1995
Friday, June 9 1995
Friday, August 4 1995
Friday, February 3, 1995

fantasising sounds better that imagining.
haha, i don't know why.



they parted ways and the boy turned away and strode off fast.
anger present in his swift strides, he tried to walk it off.
and soon he kicked the ground with his heels with a grunt.

but, he smiled a smug grin,
he looked back once more.
but she still was standing there.
he waved a happy farewell,
and strolled back home.

This Page is Rated
NC-17
pplaythatbeat.blogspot.com/

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun Quizzes

i know i shouldn't, but hey.
i love fantasising.
i love using my imagination.
let my mind take flight,
but either my thoughts
are balloons or paper planes.
either way, they go 'pop' or 'crash'

so, what if i was a spy?
or at least work in Intelligence in the army.
sounds really far-fetched.
or do i become some traveller.
go to Australia or France.
I rather France, haha.

Paris to Cannes...
lol, it's 905 km, 8hrs of travel.
and that's without the plane ride from Singapore.
=p

but i've got to have money eh?
first, i do studies.
then get a job,
either game designer,
then developer.
then make a somewhat successful game.
but then, it's hard to make a successful game...

haha, earn $$$.
then travel! woohoo.
at least i've got first-aid skills i can apply to myself.
blah blah, etc etc.

"I must have standards!"
...
bleh, whatever.
anyway, here are my objectives.

so, i've got this idea in Popular when i went out with the guys last week.
a story about 2 retarded kids.
~

The ULTIMATE Adventures of Ben and Sam
Chapter 1: Ruler



Ben lifted his feet up. Slowly and gently, he put the feet back on the floor. He inched a step closer to the door.


Ben dug his pockets to find a device. Through abyss infinitum, sweet wrappers and pokemon cards he pulled out the device, the MEASURING DEVICE.


Ben raised the MEASURING DEVICE proudly up high in the air!


...And then out of the exhilarating excitement, he dropped the ruler.


The ruler fell to the floor, it laid there motionless.


Disappointment of dropping a plastic ruler engulfed their small minds. They could not take the emotions any more.
They collapsed to the carpet floor.

then only i realised...
it was just nice...

losing grip...

Ma petit chou-fleur...
there's still hope,
hope is possibility.

how bored am i?
very very.
and so i've decided.
anway, i'm at the library right now.
i've decided to take a walk.

if anyone lives in the neighbourhood
near block 630,
and they have read this,
somehow find this young man,
strolling his way thru the void decks
and pavements:
he may be ME.

so, if you're bored too,
you may come along,
or at least say 'hi', 'hello', 'yo'...whatever.

i am don in a white polo,
with a design print on the front.
jeans and wearing a converse slingbag.
so, i shall my walk out of boredom.
from the bus stop near Safra yishun.
to the blocks by
the main street
near the mrt tracks.
and then towards
630, where i will end my walk
for i have reached home.

i might hope you will come.
as long as you're bored.
it's fine.

supposely i won't see you soon.

I've finally think It's over.
But for once, I think I've completely changed myself.
I've let you go away.
I love the sound.
But then I followed along.
And finally
I'd let you walk away again would I?
But I want to grab on you.
I know I should never.

Because of you.
I've defied my phislosophy.
Because of you.
I've wasted time.
Who are 'you'?
Dammit.
Have I wasted my mind and soul
to someone who never did?

I'm reading every word you type,
on the world of no privacy,
behind the screen I'm looking at,
at the point of a click.
And now,
I see words,
I've quite no understanding.

And I've finally know,
it's not me...
I was fantasising,
I was a fool.

I have to face the harsh cold truth of reality.
The rigid rules which philosophy only made us show ignorance.


I was grabbing on to a person
whom never went with,
never walked away,
never was there for me.

But then,
if it's not me for you.
It's still you for me.

For me.
Or should I stop before it'll continue?
Continue till you've got to walk away once more.
And will I still keep grabbing on?
I can't.
But I know, somewhere in my mind.
There's a love for you,
your sound walking away.

But!
There I go again!
I've fantasised.
I HAVE TO FACE REALITY.
What once was and now will be.
And I say fare thee well to you.

Fare the well...







oh god, this is not going to work.
i've said farewell time and time once again.

action speaks louder than word.
but i suppose you're blind by another love.




stop fantasising.
stop this, pronto.
stop
stop
stop

i'm goddamn antisocial eh?
well, then again.
i'm not.

ever since this year,
and being pestered by my classmate
to change a bit of myself.
(hello, low socks. hello, occasional tucked out shirts)

and i've started to want a new wardrobe.
new hat, new polos, new shorts, new shoes.
screw ppl saying hats are stupid.
'whatever' (that word too, i've changed)

and back to me being
not really antisocial.
i'm more of selectively social.
selective social, meaning that
i choose friends that kind of
share the same interest as me,
and of course a fun too.

like the guys, haha.
we are gamers,
whatever.
but being selective social also means
i can't speak out well to people
out of my interest zone.

but then,
i feel a need.
to meet someone,
who understands true friendship,
and perhaps
become one too.

but if there no such person,
i still have my friends :)

so, what shall i do after the exams?
i suppose i'll write my
long-term objectives
here in this post.
i need not an organisation post, i guess.
too much organisation makes me a robot.

perhaps during the holidays,
i'll post online articles on my views on exams, education etc.
but whether i going to do it depends on my results.
oh c'mon brian, i'm never gonna fail.
but i can always drop somehow.

how about a holiday job?
ugh.
after reading My Uncle Oswald, i learnt 2 golden rules
i would like to follow.

i rather do a job that follows these:
1) I must enjoy doing the job.
2) My output of doing the job must provide much benefit to customers.

and these 2 rules?
what type of job is there?
i'm too picky.
to be honest,
i rather laze the holidays.

and about sjab.
some ppl going crazy over comp training again eh?
ccc camp in the holidays.
oh god,
i'm going for rehearsal tmrw.
most of the notices are by word of mouth, or text.
and if i don't recieve the sms.
it's my problem.



and, i think i'm paranoid.
that a certain someone is phsychic.
oh, dammit brian.
shut up your fantasies.
reality's the truth under blur neon lights.









and you really mattered.
i'm just saying.

so, basically.
exams are over.

i rushed the last paper.
though i could have sworn i was willing
to lose the marks for the last few qns.

so, what now?
4 days, each of 24 hrs.
and i've nothing much to do.

and anyway, i made a song during exams.
talk about utter procrastination

jellybeans and coconuts
flying through the mountains
jellybeans and coconuts
flying through the air
flying through the air
oh flying through the air
till the moonlight sets
and the sunlight rises
into the eastern sky
the whole world around me
thinks i'm gonna die
oh i'm never gonna
'cos the sun sets
never in the southern sea
where my dreams and aspiration
my happiness and glee
all drown and die
but i won't cry
cos i'm already gone
and have died.
....


kind nonsensical eh?
well it is.
but you also don't know the tune.
heh...

oh the boredom that sets.
post exam boredom...
ugh.
now what to do?

a tad weird eh?
the guys and i are kinda 'crazy' over the nerf guns.
they're kinda fun.
foam bullets.
rich-boy brandon, haha jk, is going to buy the recon gun first.
ooh.
the more i'm not having the gun, i'm losing interest to it.

philosophy's kinda boring already.

and facebook's glitchy.
esp the rock legends.
i think facebook kena virus. ooh.

and i found out something.
there are mainly two types of games,
high score games
and
level up games

they're almost the same,
users will have the
'hey i'm better than you attitude'.
hey, i gotta say, i think i'm having it too.

anyway, i played the KING OF BUTTONS 2
and i met with a Techno song.
called Satisfaction.
and it satisfied me alright.

"i'm treating the exams like a game.
i could have won already before it even started.
i could have lost already all the way
but the game over screen isn't on yet."

2nd last day of the exams
1 more paper to go.

live the life; a neon blur.

that's how i see life now.
sa1 is coming to an end.
and i see the neon lights
shine on me in the alleys.
blur as i live my life and walk my walk.

there's always possibility for reality,
there's always impossibility for fantasy.



"The greatest mistake in my sec 2 SA1 experience was ever to be complacent.
I only say this when half the exam already passed.

I say this not only because complacency was a mistake,
but also because complacency may be the greatest success I've ever had."

2 more papers.
and i've finally
what i want to write.
if i go smooth in my results.
i'm gonna write an online story
about me...

the way to forget is deletion.
i need to give someone data recovery...

argh. reading is pointless.
why can't this exam end.
i'll do the test.
and perhaps i'll pass all?
hahaha.
i'm laughing at the absurdity.

ok, so i decided blah blah. why don't i write a descriptive essay to revise for tmrw...
will i?
well i won't, but i'll fish out my past essays i typed down in the computer.
i guess this essay was in p6, quite decent.
though i'm not quite sure it's mine...

~

“Could we end the game now?” I pleaded. I was playing soccer with my friends, Joel and Joe, in the field near their house. We had been playing for the past one and a half hour and I was exhausted.

I wanted to end the game right away as a drizzle was about to start. The other boys still continued to play. “You got to be kidding me! This is the only time our parents allow us to play.” Joel said, telling me and Joe to continue.

Joel was distracted talking to me that he missed the ball. “See what you have done!” Joel shouted furiously, the ball rolled into some big bushes and he ran after it.

Joel tried hard to pass the bushes’ thick branches but to no avail. No sooner did the drizzle turn into a relentless downpour, after all, it was the monsoon season. He looked at the ground and found an iron rod, perhaps he could use it?

As he was about to swing the metal rod, I remembered something about electrical conductors: Most metals are good conductors of electricity. Oh no, Joel was holding one. “Please Joel! Please stop!” I tried to call him.

All of us were drenched top to toe. My warning came too late, a bright streak of lightning struck Joel. Joel sank like a stone; I could not believe what I was seeing. This had to be a dream, I thought, sadly, it wasn’t.

I asked Joe to go to the void deck to call for help while I went up to Joel. When I saw the burnt body, I could not help myself but to break down to tears. Help arrived quickly and the paramedics tried hard while I explained to the policemen what had happened.

One paramedic came to me and shook his head. The man did not need to say what happened. Joel, my life constants, dead at such a young age, I cannot bring myself to believe it! I looked at Joe, he cried too. Death succeeded in doing what I was meant to do. I wished I could change what had happened. If only.

~

couldn't be, i didn't know i could write like that.
but the ending with death seemed to be my writing style.

ugh. can't make myself read notes and notes.
the notes seem all to familiar.
i know them all.
i know i should rmb them,
but i think i alrdy do.

~within the silence of death or within the noise of life, the slippery voice in my head, snarls ever more loudly, hisses ever more madly~



Look into me,
You'll see my eyes.
Dull and gloomy,

Drumming,
The silence
Of sadness, agony and sorrow;
The noise
Of voilence, deception, betrayal.

Deep into your mind.
Down your heart.
Through your soul.

And my eyes
Will swallow your hapiness.
It'll bring the tears out your eyes,
till you tear no more.

And I'll laugh at the absurdity of it all.
Darkness looks absurd on you.

current phase:

i've revised history and read ms zuraidah's notes.
nothing much then.

my philosophy of life started in p6.
when i started thinking and thinking deeply.
well, i've got my p6 book that my form teacher, mr tan, gave me.
well, it's a gift to every individual student in 6.7.

and i've decided to share my words and thoughts
i've wrote in p6.
my outlook of life the way i saw it, 2 yrs ago.
the extracts i'm gonna write are word for word, comma for comma.
but some tenses may be corrected.
~

"Nowhat?"

"I do what I know, I know what I do :)"

"You touch me, I touch you....Metaphorically"

"1,2,3,4,5,6.7 :), 8,9,10"

"Time kills 5683, It's a challenge to keep it going"

"It's not the way you hear it, it's interpretation error."

~
Neil Brian's Thots about......Cartoons

My view is, cartoons are a form of entertainment, even for adults. (Although some other 'entertainment' is in sotre for them) Cartoons are kind of cruel, maybe gory (if the cartoonist wants it or not). Catoons are for children. Imagine a cartoon movie rated R21....shocking. Cartoons are made by loners, freaks and nerds (and I'm an exception). You need imagination to make cartoons, think out of the box. you need to get enough sleep. Sleeping with your teddy bear is OK, but with another person, it's a 'toally different story... =] LNBN
~
well more to come, if anyone is interested. i've gotto revise.

for once.
this post shall be about me.
me and philosophy of life.

ME.
NEIL BRIAN NARIDO LABAYNA.

:::
first name: neil brian
middle name: narido
surname: labayna
:::

wondered why i'm smart, or why some ppl suppose i am.
let me tell you my history.




born on 2/10/1995 in philipines.
1st child in the family.
stayed in philipines for a few months.
and soon went to singapore.
because my dad was working in singapore
already before i was born.
yes, my first plane ride was a few months old.
that's how i came to s'pore.
so, screw the 'illegal immigrants' comments/jokes, whatever.

studied and lived singapore education from nursery till now.
the fast paced, rote learning, competitive school life full
of worksheets, test and exams.
screw the 'close the gap' explanation about results.
they test us cause they want to see who's smart or not.
the reason why i ended up learning chinese today
is because i learnt chinese as my mother tongue
my entire school life.
the reason why chinese?
i don't know.
i rather learn french, german or italian.

during kindergarten.
i was fairly tall.
yea.
k2 i was already tall.
and from years to go, i grew tall...er
i got myopia in k2.
anw, i've used the computer since nursery.
paint and wordpad were the first two programs i ever used.
and i had plenty of educational cd's.
perhaps that led to my knowledge.

primary school life
had a day which i called doomsday annually.
every year, i would get scolded seriously for some reason on any random day.
but only for that day.
the rest of the days of that year, i was clean.
i could rmb that was the year i had my ezlink card.
and my specs got the string thing. haha.

my life in primary school partly revolved around the books library.
p1 days were filled with enid blyton books, i didn't go to the library yet.
p2 days were filled with the magic schoolbus books.
p3 days were filled with puzzles books galore. read a dracula novel once, but only once.
p4 and p5 days were filled with acient buildings, historical, geography books.
hardcover and big, you should know those types with the x-ray pictures of giza pyramids, eiffel tower, statue of liberty etc.
p6 days were filled with artemis fowl.
that was the very first sci-fi novel i ever read.
contemporary writer eion colfer inspired me to go novel.
but sadly i didn't take flight.
~i'm a paper aeroplane, i need hands to take flight~

in p3 i was selected to join the special classes.
either art class or it class.
i went into it.
IT class for p4, 5 and 6.
learnt aplenty, used a few.
what's the point.
in p3 and 4, i joined art club.
in p5 i joined IT club (video)
but i wanted to make games.
p6 was psle year. no cca for me.

psle was good.
i ended up with AISS.
it was my first choice anw.

could have gone to mayflower sec.
but imagine the difference my life
would have been.

~i had done so much that if i were to change the past, i would have done so much different.~

sec 1 life was something i could start anew.
in primary school, i could have been a prefect and monitor.
in secondary school, i was a normal student with good (or maybe better) grades, and merely a class ava guy.

sec 2 life is something of change.
change is good. but i'm not a doll.
you can never dress me in your opinion.

and i'll live my life onwards.
basically.
i've said my history.
but i've not answered the qn.
"why am i 'smart'?"
perhaps its the books i read
in primary school.
primary school life
was full of books,
information i could unlock for future use.

and so sorry.
i had to end the post now.
didn't really say anything about
my philosophy.
but my philosophy are just quotes.

*update: some people just don't get why in the world i put A and B in some phases for.
THEY'RE SEPARATE PATHS. gawd.

hm
finally.
i mean finally!
i've understood algebraic manipulation.

anyway, read timothy's blog.
woah.
he should be like a motivational writer about life or something.
i'll be a game designer :D
but i need maths.
maths mumbo jumbo
with all those numbers, variables and unknowns.

maths is suicidal.

jj requested. no no, not requested, asked.
he frickin asked me to make a post!
how dare he!
no one, NO ONE tells theboybrian
what to do.
...
...
what the hell. just kidding.
~

2nd day of exams
not bad.
chinese compo went pretty smooth.
surprisingly made a 400+ discriptive.
english compre
was kind of scary.
all my answers were one-liners.
ooh.
geo was easy.
just worried i got out of point.
maybe i'm too complacent.
my tatic for exam now is
to dump info in my brain,
unlock all i need when i need to.

well, i bought a spicy snack wrap at Mac.
damn, i need water, i forgot i disliked spiciness.
well, i'm here now.
and i'm gonna leave the library.

so, hope mye's not killing me bad.

i sat there and pondered.
why the hell.
what the hell.
hell, has it already come?

as i sit on the chair;
arms on the table,
i see myself cower
in the corner of my mind,
whimpering like a limp dog.

i flip open my scissors,
spin it right round.
hypnotic, dreamy.
i could cry if i wanted to.
but the voice that hisses and snarls
made me laugh at the absurdity
of it all.

the spinning soon slows and ends.
and i put on a smug grin.

i'll put my scissors away,
i'll come with penknife...
~

talk about it...
sigh.
exam is tmrw.
i went for history srp.
plan to revise
english file.

this day was boring.
sore throat in the morn, coffee.
somehow, i was talking to myself on my way to the bus stop.
met no one familiar at the intersection.
voices in my head, c'mon i'm not mental or anything.
their my voice.
and a particular one hisses and snarls.

nothing much to say about school
other than saying sorry in class
to, oh god.
not mr soo.
but heck.
school's getting boring.

i do think the seating arrangement are pulling my studies.
you have your friends.
and they may affect you.
not implying anything bad anyway.

poor michael haha.
actually, he's quite pitiful.
seen him carry hell of book today,
perhaps for his frens.
or was it from under his table.
I mustn't make hasty assumptions.
but i do assume i'll have low marks
for science test.
chemical formulas kill.

got an invite to join
'peng and mike'
to go northpoint.... ... play. haha.
"aiyoh, financial crisis"
that was my response.
but xinpeng knew it anyway.
anyway, i wouldn't have the time to play.

walk back home.
to the bus stop from school.
talked some sick stuff
with kelvin and cs.
ahaha.
no wonder i'm perverted.
but i can handle it.

top upped my ezlink.
+ $10.
financial crisis much?
ezlink is necessity.

read Switch Bitch from Roald Dahl.
adult short stories.
made me feel kinda dizzy
in the bus stop.
or was it the sun.

bus-ed home.
let ppl walk away.
love the sound of it.
love you walking away,
if you want to,
i let you.

a flower out of paper planes.
i defied my law.
"when you want to make something, you make that thing."
defiance just for... ... ...

"with or without you, i won't die"








"but i will kill you."

well, i'm now content with my memory of
some science concepts such as digestion
and particulate model of matter.
but nothing can change
my science test results.

EGO POSTULO A POSITUS
EGO POSTULO A OBDUCO

this is dissapointing.

i found out i've lost my mood for examinations.
i try to revise.
i recently did, but the pace i'm revising in
is just too horribly slow.
i went out to do hmwk with
the guys.
and some revision.
but in the end.
we managed to do only
3/4 of the homework.
no revision.
and played after.
procrastination to maximus.

i'm very disorganised.
even if i look organised
with my organisation posts
i don't really do what i say.

don't look forward to
see my science test result.
it's a wake up call alright.
but i just smashed
that alarm clock against the wall.
i go back to slumber,
into abyss infinitum.

i'll make a flower out of paper planes.
i'll make a scream out of balloons.
i'll make my failures an alarm
to get me out of this slumber.

i'm fixated at something that's flying.
and i'm blind.
oh god.
pls no.
not now.

DRILLTHISTOYOURHEAD
DOHOMEWORKREVISE
WORKMORE
INEEDAPOSITION
INEEDAPASS